


I'll come home to you

by varignon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, Starbucks, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 09:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15726849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/varignon/pseuds/varignon
Summary: After beginning a search for Bucky, one day he unexpectedly drops into Steve’s lap. Unsure of the man he is talking to, where will this relationship lead them?This story is super slow burn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I drafted the plot of this fic right after watching TWS. I had to change some things around after watching age of ultron and I am omitting civil war completely from the canon of this story, along with any movie that came afterward for consistency. Also pretending like Bruce is still on earth.

He first became aware of the beeping. It wasn't quite the quick pace of a heart but not slow enough to ignore. Slowly the occasional murmuring of voices from another room drifted his way, and then the sounds of music he didn’t recognise.  Every bit of his body felt pushed to the edge, stiff and sore from overuse. And the burning in his stomach; the never ending burning was ever present. It was a long time before he was able to open his eyes. The white glare was difficult to adjust to but soon the pristine room filtered into focus. A hospital room, small and private. He tried to turn his head but the pounding was aggressive. He became aware of a man sitting next to him off to the right, asleep or resting. Sam. Soon the memories of the previous day's events came flooding back. 

"On your left." Was all Steve was able to mutter. Sam looked up, surprise flashing on his face and then relief that Steve was not only awake but well enough to be cracking jokes. 

"H-hey man, good to see you up! You had us all worried there for a while that you wouldn't make it." 

He shifted in his seat to give Steve an easier angle to talk to him. 

"How do you you feel? You took a serious beating." His face seemed calm and resolute but there was a hint of the worry that had been plaguing him earlier. It took a while for Steve to be able to voice his thoughts. 

"I feel... well, I feel like I was shot in the stomach and tossed from a helicarrier." A small chuckle escaped his lips. Sam smiled. He was about to reply when the door was pushed opened. A friendly looking man shuffled his way in; a nurse alerted by Steve’s awakening, coming to check on his vitals.

"Good to finally see you awake Sir. You had everyone," he nodded in Sam's direction and waved his hand toward the door; "worried for days." He continue on his way checking to make sure all the wires and machines were in working order. 

"Oh God," Steve groaned. "How long was I out for?"

Sam spoke up.

"Well it wasn't an ice nap but you were out for a long time. It's been four days since you were taken from the river." 

The nurse whistled. Sam looked Steve over, trying to guess how he would react to the news. He lay there seemingly calm but the first words he spoke were choked up. It seemed to Sam almost a private thought, one that had escaped Steve's mind without his notice.

"He pulled me out." 

Steve turned his head away from Sam, a sharp intake of breath the only sign he would give of the pain it caused. The nurse crossed the room, placing a bottle next to Sam and whispered some sort of instruction in his ear. Sam nodded and the nurse left. He started to text the group letting them know that Steve had woken up. It wasn't long before his phone was pinging with responses. Steve couldn't help but relay every event from, was it really four? days ago in his mind. All the fighting and to only find it was Bucky behind the enemy's lines. 

He didn't want to believe it, couldn't. This had to have been some trick of hydra's, someone with a stealth mask or some other way of faking their identity. Bucky had died that day in the Alps. 

_ But you never went back for him, you never found his body. _

That awful thought, something he almost always had in his mind; he tried to push it away but it wouldn't budge. No matter how many people had told him it wasn't his fault he never believed them. He always felt empty, that he should have done more. Bucky's death was one thing he'd never overcome but the guilt of not doing anything about it always hung heavy regardless. His mind moved to the river. It had been someone else's hand that was reaching out for sure; there was no mistaking that garish metal sheen. Bucky had no metal arm. Steve stirred in the bed. No. All the evidence, everything Natasha shared, what Zola had said, and Steve's own gut feeling was pointing to the truth. It truly had been Bucky they were fighting. Bucky, imprisoned by hydra for God knew how long, forced somehow to do their bidding, killing mercilessly for all those years. And it had been Bucky who had pulled Steve from the river. Sam’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Look man, I can leave if you’d like. I just didn’t think you’d want to be in a place like this alone.” He was hovering by the door, phone in hand. 

“NO, no. You can stay. I’m- Sorry it’s just so much has happened and-”

“Yeah I understand, don’t stress yourself. You’ve gotta focus on rest, alright?” 

“Thank you Sam.” Steve said with restraint, like there were other words fighting to get out. Sam moved back to his chair, grabbing the bottle on the table near it. He shook it and Steve was met with the sound of pills rattling around.

“Nurse said you gotta take one of these every five hours for the next couple of days, and with any luck they think you can be discharged by the end of the week if everything else keeps working properly. The rest of the guys are on their way to come say hi, so let me go get you something proper to eat.”

 

____ 

There was a knock at the door. 

Steve groaned as he struggled to get up from his chair. Super serum healing or not, his wound did  _ not _ want to stop hurting. He glanced through the peephole and saw a mass of red hair. _ Must be Natasha _ he thought, trying to remember their safewords. 

“Nice day for a walk.”

“Yes but I prefer taking the blue cab.”

It was the correct saying, so it could no one but Nat. He cracked the door. 

“You know you could've called and told me you’d be coming over.” He said opening the door enough for her to come in. 

She made her way inside saying, “What and give you no surprise? You're no fun Steve.” sarcastically. He led her to the living room where she perched herself on the edge of the couch, and Steve gladly sank back into his chair. 

“You know Rogers, I was tasked with getting your suit cleaned and returned to the museum.” She dug in her pocket and pulled out a folded paper. 

“I found this in your utility belt. It’s a good thing the higher ups didn’t have their hands all over you after the river or else you never would have seen this.” He didn’t understand what she was getting at but took the paper when she held it out for him. 

“Anyway i’ve got other things I need to be doing, so good luck.” She patted him on the hand and gave him an overly compassionate look before standing up and heading out. Confused at the way Natasha was acting, Steve didn’t wait a second to open the note. It was was a small scrap that was worn around the edges like it had been shoved in and out of in someone’s pocket for much too long. It was weak and warped as if it had been soaked through with water. The writing inside had a familiar curl to it, and Steve hardly noticed he had begun to cry.  

_ You’re Steve aren’t you? I know you. With luck I’ll come home to you. Give me time _ . 

Home. He knew to say home.

Steve didn't know what to do first. He needed to get Intel on hydra’s remaining bases, he needed to figure out  _ exactly _ what had happened in the 70 years he had been in the ice, he had to research memory loss, he needed to dredge up an- 

He had to stop. He was still healing and was in no state to start running around in secret. Steve needed to calm down and sit on the information, worrying about it right now would get him nowhere. And he shouldn’t even take the note at face value- it could be a trick of some sort. Except Nat would never pull a prank so dirty; he needed to press her for more information. It was obvious that she knew more than she was letting on. 

It took him another week to finally make the call.

“Nat?”

“What’s up Steve? How’s healing?”

“I’m - what? Oh, I’m fine. Listen; I need to ask you a favour.”

“Yeah anything Steve. What do you need?”

“Well I don’t- I mean-,” He didn’t quite know how to phrase his question. “It’s just that you obviously have some bearing around the ‘winter soldier’. I need to-”

Nat sounded exhausted, as if the topic had been mentioned too many times before. “Oh God Steve! I know he was important to you but you don’t want to find out-”

Steve couldn’t keep his voice from rising. “Nat I know. I know, ok? Everyone keeps telling me to lay off it. ‘He’s not the same guy, don’t go after him’. I’ve heard it already ok? I need to know if there’s  _ anything _ you can get me. There has to be something out there, there has to be. Please.” 

At first Steve thought Natasha was going to hang up on him; the silence was so long. When he started to think he should just hang up himself and leave her alone, she spoke. 

“I’ll do it. Give me a week.” The phone clicked, hung up from her end. Steve let out a shaky breath, not realizing he had been holding it all this time waiting for the response. A few days passed before he received her text,  _ Let’s go pay Fury a visit _ . 


	2. Chapter 2

The first time it happened, he didn't notice. The knock was so faint that one could barely be sure if they had imagined it. Steve was in his kitchen cleaning the dishes from his dinner with nothing but the orange light of the sunset illuminating the room. He was humming a melancholy tune, mind full of unhappy memories. His search for information had been leading nowhere, and he was becoming discouraged. 

The second knock came - louder, but not loud enough. 

A year had passed since Nat shut her mouth at the grave and disappeared, undercover. The only time he had seen her since was during their battle with Ultron. Not nearly the time to be nagging her with selfish questions. So Steve had been slowly searching, slowly digging up leads and false trails. Desperately continuing his search for Bucky. His note hung framed on the wall by Steve’s bed, and not a day passed where he didn't see it and pledge to bring him back. But Bucky had truly disappeared again, gone like he had that day in the Alps. Steve heard a knock on the door, bringing him out of his thoughts. He turned off the sink and quickly wiped his hands, making his way to the door. He checked the viewer, and stopped dead. The person outside the door was gruff and dishevelled but there was no mistaking who it was. Bucky. Steve had a moment of panic. All of his training and experience was screaming at him to keep the door closed, find some other way to figure out who it was  standing outside. But his heart called a stronger shot and Steve pulled the door open quickly. They both stood there, studying each other. Bucky confused and scared; wide-eyed like a rabbit about to run, and Steve nervous and questioning. Steve was unsure how to approach Bucky. He didn’t know what could be going on in his mind; didn’t know if he was the same. Steve knew this could be a trap but he desperately hoped it wasn’t. 

“Bucky, do you- do you want to come inside? Would that be okay?” Steve asked as gently as he could hoping not to scare him off. Bucky nodded and Steve quickly cleared the doorway; backing up and gesturing to the living room. Bucky stood near a wall, tense and unmoving. 

“Bucky it’s ok. This place isn’t bugged anymore, no one knows about it. You can sit down if you want.” He made a quick survey of the room before nodding to himself and sat down on the edge of a couch. Steve took the chair opposite. He was just wondering if he should initiate the conversation when Bucky began to speak.

“... Steve, I… I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m filled with all these recollections of things I don’t remember, memories of people I don’t know. I don’t even know that they’re mine. When I,” Steve noticed Bucky’s hands begin to wring. “, when I escaped from hydra I spent so long trying to make it from day to day. But then I started getting these moments in my dreams, they seemed so real and… eventually they stopped being dreams and I realized during my waking hours that they were memories. I need you to tell me what they are. Who you are. What’s happening with me? I-” His shoulders had begun to shake and he buried his face in his hands. Steve wanted to run over, hold Bucky, tell him that everything would be okay. But he didn’t know if it would ever be okay. Instead he spoke, gesturing to himself with his hand.  

“I’m Steve Rogers. You’re Bucky, Bucky Barnes. We both grew up together during the 30’s in Brooklyn New York. We went to war together in the forties. I thought- I thought you had died during the war. You had actually been taken in by hydra without anyone knowing. I got frozen then, and seventy years passed. I woke up in the time today. Everything was different and I had a hard time adjusting, but I found a way to keep fighting for those who couldn’t. Just last year I found out that you had survived. I’m not so sure how, but to me it doesn’t matter. Somehow we were both brought to this time together. You escaped after that, and- and now you’re here.” 

Steve wanted to pour out every memory he could, but he kept the description curt as not to overwhelm Bucky at first. Neither of them noticed the sun dipping beneath the windows. Bucky sat there, quiet and withdrawn, dropping his head down. Steve gave him time to think, falling into his own memories as well. An alarm pulled them both out of their minds. Bucky dropped to the floor and rolled to a corner and Steve fumbled to pull his phone out of his pocket. “God damn alarm-” he muttered angrily to himself as he turned it off. Bucky noticed the clock on the wall and saw how late it had gotten. 

“Bucky i’m so sorry. I set that alarm to remind me to turn on my security locks before I go to bed.” Steve stood there, nervously clutching the phone in his hands, waiting to see what Bucky was going to do. 

“If you want I can find so-” Steve began before getting cut off with a small whisper.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

Steve was taken aback at how small and helpless the voice sounded. It was then that Steve saw not only Bucky’s gruff appearance but really noticed the bags underneath his eyes, the gaunt way he held his body, his crudely trimmed hair, the frays in his layered clothing. Steve replied immediately.

“Of course you can. Here let me-” Steve began busying himself, running around the apartment trying to clean up and find night-things. He returned to the room with a bundle of blankets in his arms. 

“If you want you can sleep in my bed, I can take the couch. The room is just over here, see? If you need me i’ll be right here. And the bathroom is right over here, the kitchen there,” Steve said as pointed out the rooms of the apartment out. 

“I can just take the couch. You don’t have to change anything for me to be here. In fact I really should just leave, I don’t know what I was thinking. Let me-”

“No.” 

Steve surprised himself with the response. He fumbled on his words trying to keep everything calm. 

“I just meant that you’re not a burden. Really, i’m fine with you being here. C’mon let me show you the bedroom, okay? Then you decide.” Steve walked in and dropped what he was holding on top of the bed. Bucky hung by the door, not knowing what he should do. 

“Buck, come and lay on it. It’s ok. Actually you know what, there’s a shower over here through this door. Let me get you some clothes and you can shower. Would you want to do that?”

Bucky nodded and moved to the edge of the bed, hesitantly reaching out to touch a blanket. His stomach growled and he yanked his hand back, glancing up at Steve. Seeing that he had heard the growl he turned his head away, ashamed. Even away from hydra their training was still buried into his mind.

“Are you hungry? I can heat up the leftovers I have in the fridge.” 

Steve cast a sidelong glance at Bucky, wondering how he'd answer. Surprisingly he said, “I'd appreciate that.” 

He stayed by the edge of the bed.

“Thanks.” 

“Okay then how about I show you how the shower works and you can get in while I cook? I'll leave fresh clothes out next to the door.”

 

Steve went back to the kitchen and heard the shower door click. He rooted around in the fridge and grabbed something decent to put in the microwave. He couldn't keep his thoughts from drifting while he waited for it to finish cooking. Steve wasn't sure what to do next. Did he try to find out what Bucky knew? Or did Steve go into more detail of what he remembered? He stood vacillating until the microwave dinged. He set the food out on the table and went back into the kitchen, leaning against the fridge. 

Later on Bucky silently opened the bedroom door, fresh and dressed in the clothes Steve had laid out. He came over to the table and sat at the chair where the food had been set, avoiding eye contact. Steve walked over, watching as Bucky tentatively began to eat. His wet hair dripped onto the grey sweatshirt he was now wearing. Steve noticed that Bucky had replaced his glove back onto his left hand. Steve lightly tapped at the table to draw Bucky’s attention. He looked up, swallowing the last bite he had taken. 

“You don't have to wear that you know. At least, if you don't want to. I don't mind.”

Bucky nodded. 

“I know.” 

He finished eating and picked up his dish and brought it to the sink. Steve came over and turned the water on, grabbing a sponge. 

“Don't worry about cleaning up. You go ahead to bed unless there’s more you'd like to talk about tonight?” 

“No I think i’ll turn in. Thank you for the food.” He walked back to the bedroom and closed the door. Steve was left alone with his thoughts again. He sighed, cleaning the dishes before gathering up extra pillows and sheets from a closet and making himself comfortable on the couch. He was half afraid to fall asleep; worrying that the events from that evening would turn out to be some sort of dream. He had to take a moment just to breath and process everything that had happened. Bucky was back, but Steve wondered if he’d ever be the same. It seemed like at the moment he was being cooperative which was more than anything Steve could have hoped for. His desperate search had finally come to an end. Momentarily he thought about calling Sam or even Nat, telling them what had happened but he decided against it. Better to see where the situation points itself first. Steve rolled over, staring at the soft glow of the microwave clock in the kitchen as he drifted into unconsciousness. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Steve awoke feeling chilly. He sat up in bed and rubbed at his eyes, surveying the room. The door to his bedroom was ajar and Steve could see that a window was open. He got up and went over to see if Bucky was awake. He pushed the door completely open and peered into the room. The bed was empty, sheets neatly made, curtains at the window fluttering. His heart dropped and he began frantically searching the room. He didn’t want to believe that Bucky had left during the night. Steve had just opened a closet door when he heard a toilet flush.  _ I’m an idiot _ he thought to himself, quickly padding out of the room and sitting back on the couch. Bucky rounded the corner of the bathroom and stopped when he saw that Steve had woken up. Steve turned and tried to smile. 

“Did you sleep okay?”

His answer was spoken quickly. “Yeah.”

“Well, I don’t know about you but i’m going to get a breakfast going. Do you have any requests?” 

“Anything will be fine for me.”

As Steve got up and went into the kitchen, busying himself; Bucky lightly sat on the couch. Steve was aware that he was being watched but he didn’t want to draw attention to it. Instead he focused on making enough eggs and toast for them both. Steve didn’t notice when Bucky stood up and entered the kitchen. 

“What’s this thing here in the wall?” he asked earnestly. Steve nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized Bucky had moved but tried to hide it. 

“Oh- well, this uh, it’s called a microwave. It’s used to heat up food, similar to how an oven cooks things. It’s really convenient if you’re in a rush.” Bucky continued to look at the appliance, a small hum on his lips. Steve held out a plate of food.

“Here, if you’re hungry-” Bucky took the food and went to the table. He spent his time eating by peering around the room now that it was daylight. When he finished he took his dishes over to the sink, noticing the door to the dishwasher to the side. 

“What’s this?” He asked, pointing to the machine.

“Oh that’s a dishwasher. I bet it looks different from what you’re use- from what you might remember. Here let me show you what it looks like now.” Steve grabbed Bucky’s plate out of the sink and opened the dishwasher. 

“It’s much more compact now. The plates all fit like this.” He made a show of dropping their plates and silverware in and shut the door. Bucky went over and reopened the door, peering inside and pulling the drawers in and out before shutting it up again. He wandered the rest of the kitchen, running his right hand along the various surfaces and appliances. He left the kitchen and entered the living room. 

“I know that one.” Bucky said, pointing towards Steve’s tv. Steve was taken back; surprised. Out of all the modern things he had assumed Bucky would be familiar with he would not have included television on the list. Hesitantly he crossed the floor and approached it. 

“You do? Do you want to turn it on?” 

“No.”

Steve watched as Bucky continued to walk around the room inspecting every corner. Eventually he made his way to the back wall where there hung a photograph. 

“This is you in this picture, but it’s old. Is this from the war?” Before Steve could answer, Bucky had pulled the frame from the wall. Behind gaped a small hole to the outside. He stared at the hole, his face falling blank. He tapped the front of the picture. Steve came and looked at the figure being pointed at.

“This is me?” Bucky asked. “I don’t remember.”

Steve nodded, wanting to rush the conversation to hurry and cover the hole again. He angrily cursed himself for not getting it fixed sooner. He watched as Bucky pointed towards the hole in the wall. 

“But that was me. I remember that.” Steve furrowed his brows. He still couldn’t see the reason that Bucky decided to return, but whatever reason, he didn’t want it to turn into a negative one. 

“No, Buck that wasn’t really- you had no idea-,”

“But I remember it. I remember doing it.” He looked back down at the photograph. 

“Tell me about these people. Why was I there?”

Steve let out a sigh of relief. He was glad the conversation was moving forward. 

“Well, this man here is called Dugan and this guy is Jacques...” 

Steve began to laugh as memories became present. 

“We all used to joke around even on missions, everyone in the 107th never understood how we survived them all.” Steve noticed Buck’s lips twitch at the corners. 

“There was… wasn’t there a woman there too?” 

Steve sat stunned. So Bucky really did remember things as fractured as they might be. He grinned and had to restrain himself from grabbing Bucky by the shoulders.

“Yes! Yeah there was, that's really great that you remember something. Her name was Peggy. You’d always call her-"

Steve was cut off.

“Carter.” 

Bucky was still zeroed in on the photograph and Steve took the moment to study his face. He seemed lost and unfocused. 

“You know what Buck? I think I have- I'll be right back.” 

Steve rushed back to his room to rummage the shelves in his closet. He was elated at what the photograph had brought out in Bucky. Steve hoped that he’d find something else that could jog his memory.

Steve returned to the room with a small box under his arms. He saw that Bucky had replaced the photograph back on the wall and had taken a seat on the couch. Steve noticed he was chewing at his cheek. Steve took the box from his arms and raised it so Bucky could see as he set it on the coffee table before sitting down on the opposite side of the couch. 

“Most of my things from the war are at a museum but they did let me keep a few pieces. This box has all sorts of stuff, even from all the way in my childhood” Steve lifted the lid and set it to the side, dragging the box closer. In truth he had only looked in the box twice since he was woken up from the ice. Once to check the contents and once after the triskelion attack. Now two years later he didn't remember every piece that lay inside. Steve reached in and pulled from the top of the pile. Out came a necklace, its pendants jingling. Steve lit up before reaching back into the box, rummaging around to find a second matching set. He held them out in front of him, hanging so that Bucky could read what the small words said.

“These are our tags! Here,” Steve passed one of them over to Bucky, hoping he would take it. He did. “this one is yours.” 

Bucky looked down at the small pieces of metal. Steve looked on nervously, unsure of the reaction they would warrant. He weighed them in his hand. Steve shifted in his seat; watching the rise and fall of Bucky’s chest, the way his eyes were moving over the tags. Steve pulled a new item from the box. Out came a photograph of his mother from when she was young and healthy. He smiled before holding it out towards Bucky.

“This is my mother. This picture was taken a few weeks after she arrived here in America. She loved you, always appreciated that you’d look out for me when we were younger.”

Bucky looked from the photo up at Steve. 

“Boo-bear.”

“What?”

“She’d call me boo-bear whenever you weren't around.”

He began to smile.

“I remember, when you found out you were so mad! You thought she was going to leave you behind. I never saw you cry so much.”

Steve sputtered. 

“I- you- I did not!” As much as Steve wanted to deny it, he knew it was the truth and began to laugh. It wasn’t long after that Bucky followed suit by cracking a smile. They sat giggling, clutching at their sides. 

“You taunted me for weeks after that Buck!”

“Well how was I supposed to know you'd be so upset over it?” 

They sat trying to get their breath back. Steve returned to the box, sifting through what was left. He pulled out many more photos, mulling over them with Bucky. One picture he found was of Bucky, dirty but smiling, toting a large gun. 

“What's this one from?” Bucky asked. 

“You were our sniper. This gun you had just gotten, brand new, you always said it worked better than any of the ones you had used before.”

Steve saw Bucky’s fingers twitch. Steve realized his mistake and quickly tried to think of something to cover it up.

“You really helped save a lot of our lives.”

Bucky took a look into the box, evaluating the remaining contents. He pulled out another photograph. The background was hazy and out of focus but the central point of the picture was in good contrast. It was Steve, much smaller than he was now with his arms slung around Bucky’s neck. There were ice cream cones in their hands. Bucky absentmindedly rubbed his thumb along the corner. 

“This was on the boardwalk? We saved up all summer to take each other.”

“Yeah, it was a few weeks before you were drafted. We spent the whole day out there, we were both red as cherries by the time we left. We got this photo taken in a booth.” Steve smiled at Bucky. He could see a drastic difference in Bucky’s demeanor since the night before.It seemed the longer they talked the more comfortable he got with sharing. He could only hope that it would stay like this. Steve looked back into the box before grabbing the last papers from inside. 

“Oh man-” Steve said, running his hands along the yellowing pages.

“I haven't read these since you sent them to me. If It’s okay I'd like to read them again before sharing?” Steve looked over at Bucky expectantly. 

“Go ahead.”

Steve unfolded the first letter, dated early from 1943 and began to read. He could feel his cheeks becoming warm. He opened the next letter and the next. Each new letter he could feel the red in his face getting darker. When he reached the end of the last letter Steve quickly folded them all back up. 

“Bucky I’m sorry, I don't think you’re ready for these yet. They mention some things even I had forgotten.” 

Steve looked over at Bucky to see how he’d handle the news as he began packing the box back up. He was disappointed, Steve could tell, but he was good at hiding it. 

“We can come back to them later if You’d like.”

“I understand. Could you please tell me more about before the war? I feel… like I know it but just can't connect the dots.”

“Yeah Bucky, of course. Is there anything specific you think you remember or want me to talk about?” 

“No I- no just start wherever You’d like.”

“Let me think…”

_____

Two days passed like this, Steve recounting things and Bucky adding more as he began to realize he remembered. Steve still felt like he was living life in a dream. In just a short few days he found himself from desperately trying to find anything there was about Bucky’s whereabouts to having him sitting in his own home. One morning Steve walked into the kitchen, coat slung over his arm. Bucky was there making coffee. Steve smiled when he remembered showing him that all you had to do was insert a small cup and the machine would do the rest.  

“I have to run into town. We're running low on fresh foods and I got an-" 

He wanted to say email but thought Bucky might not understand. 

“I got some mail from work saying they need me for something. I shouldn’t take more than the afternoon. If you need anything you can call me.” 

Steve went around Bucky to the phone on the wall. He picked up a pen and scribbled down some numbers on the pad hanging next to it. He turned back to Bucky and pointed a thumb over to the phone. 

“I just wrote down the number I can be reached at. Don't hesitate to call, okay?”

“Alright.”

Steve returned a few hours later to find Bucky curled up on the couch, tv on. He lugged the grocery bags on his arms to the kitchen table before unpacking them into the fridge. Bucky switched off the tv and came into the kitchen just as Steve was grabbing a few extra bags. 

“Here Bucky, would you actually sit down? I have some things to show you.” 

Steve tried not to sound nervous. He hoped what he had bought would be received well.

“I figured since you’ve been staying here for a while, that you’d want some more clothes than just my spare sweats.”

Steve opened the top of two of the bags and pushed it across the table toward Bucky. 

“I wasn’t really sure what type of clothes you would like so I just picked some generic styles. I hope they’re okay, if there’s anything you don’t like I can go retu-”

“Thank you Steve. I really appreciate it.” 

Steve let out a sigh of relief. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” 

Steve grabbed the third bag and began pulling out its contents.

“I also got you these notebooks. I thought- I thought it might be nice for you to write down what you remember. That way you know what’s missing or what you need to fill in.” 

Steve looked at Bucky, worried. When he was at the store he figured it was a great idea but now that he proposed it he wasn’t sure. Steve saw that Bucky smiled.

“This is really great, I didn’t even think to do that on my own. This will really help. Thank you.” Bucky immediately grabbed a pen and opened up the first notebook, beginning to write. Steve took the clothing bags and went to his room, laying them out on top of his drawers. Right as he was walking through the living room there was a knock at the door. Steve cut his eyes over to Bucky. The knock fell against the door again. Panic began rising in Steve’s chest. He rushed back over to Bucky and whispered quickly at him. 

“Please, I need you to go into my room. Lock the door, hide, do something.” 

Bucky gave a nod, stood up and retreated. Steve watched him leave before turning back towards the front door. He glanced through the viewer. It was Bruce; he had a folder under his arm. Steve rushed through their safe words before cracking the door open. 

“Bruce, hi. What are you doing here?” Steve hoped it would be nothing. 

“Hey Steve- Tony said he forgot to give you some forms at the meeting today. He wanted me to come and get you to sign them.” 

Steve couldn’t think of what to do. Bruce spoke again. 

“Can I come in? It’ll only take a moment to sign them.”

“Yeah- sorry, come on in.” Steve opened the door and let Bruce in before closing it and following behind. It was then that he noticed the notebooks left open on the table, the two cups cups of coffee left on the counter, the makeshift bed on the couch. Steve rushed forward to the table, throwing the notebooks closed. 

“I’m sorry about the mess Bruce, I’ve been really busy lately.” Steve felt his face warm. “No time to clean up.” It was a cheap excuse and he could tell that Banner wasn’t buying it. 

“Oh you shouldn’t worry about that; you should see the lab sometime when I leave Tony alone. Pure. Chaos.” He chuckled and Steve tried to force a smile. He watched as Bruce lay the papers on the table, avoiding the notebooks. He began flipping through the pages. 

“Just sign it here, here, oh this one needs and initial, sign here…”

Steve barely paid attention as he scrawled his signature across the indicated lines. His heart was pounding against his ribs and he was sure Bruce would be able to hear it. He closed the folder and passed it back to Bruce. He took it and headed back toward the door. He paused and turned back around. 

“You know Steve, whatever you’re hiding you don’t have to go through it alone, okay?”

Steve gave a nervous laugh. 

“I don’t know why y- I’m not- i’m not hiding anything Bruce. I just have a lot of things on my mind.”

“Come on. We both know that’s not true. Steve, you’re a terrible liar. Always have been. The team’s here for everyone, including you. Don’t feel like you have to go at things alone. I should know.” He paused and Steve could feel the tension growing. He knew he was cornered but didn’t know how to worm his way out. He opened his mouth over and over like a fish out of water as he tried to form an excuse. 

“The cup.”

“What?”

“The extra cup on the counter, and the couch. Who do you have here?”

“No one. I don’t know why y-”

“Steve.”

Steve let out a shaky sigh. He knew he was beat. Bruce was always good at that type of thing, picking up on things that people were hiding. Steve shook his head. He wasn’t surprised; it wasn’t like he had been discreet this time.

“Bruce if I tell you, and i mean  _ if _ , you have to promise you won’t tell another soul. At least not right now.” 

He looked Steve up and down before responding.

“Rogers this better not drag me into some sort of dangerous heist. What is it?”

Steve crossed his arms and straightened his back. He didn’t quite know how to break the news. In fact, he realized he hadn’t thought about this moment coming at all. He was completely unprepared. 

“There’s a person… that’s uh- been missing. And most of what used to be Shield doesn’t like who this person is and- and i’ve been keeping them here the past few days. To, you know, keep an eye on them, before bringing it up with anyone.”

“Steve you better not be talking about who I think you’re talking about. If you’re harbouring an enemy- regardless of whoever it is- you’re going to get into deep trouble. Don’t risk this man.”

“Bruce I know, but he was my closest friend. I can’t just let him get killed out there.”

Steve looked at him pleadingly. 

“Steve, he worked for hydra. You can’t pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows now.”

“It’s not his fault! He has some sort of thing,” he grasped at the air trying to help explain,

“something with his brain. It’s like he can’t remember anything.”

“It sounds like he might just be repressing what he’s gone through, if I were you i’d turn him over. Even if you don’t want to. I think it’ll be for the best.”

“No; I don’t think it’s repression. I showed him some old photos- some of them he remembered but others it seems like he just doesn’t know it’s him. It’s like they’re locked away in there somewhere and he can’t find them. Whatever it was that hydra was doing to him must have wiped the memories out but now it’s not working.”

“Steve i’m really not the man for this, I don’t know what could be wrong with him. Now if you just turned him in-”

“Bruce you know I can’t do that.”

“-if you would just turn him in he could get some help. Real medical help. Then you’d be able to figure out what’s going on.”

“And then lose him, watching him become a lab rat? You  _ know _ they’d never let him go once they have him, Bruce. I can’t do that to him.”

“Steve he’s a dangerous man. Just because you used to know him doesn’t mean you know who he is now. You need to set your personal feelings aside and look at the bigger picture. You can’t keep him a secret forever.”

Steve clenched his jaw, unable to think of a response. He knew that everything Bruce was telling him was the truth but he didn’t want to agree with it. He wouldn’t lose Bucky again, not after just getting him back. 

“Listen, i’m going to go. I won’t tell anyone about your little visitor; the secret is safe with me. But Steve?”

“Mhm?”

“I really urge you to think rationally about this. He’ll have to leave the apartment sooner or later, so why not make it on his own free will?”

Bruce lingered a last moment at the door before pulling it open and stepping through. Steve watched, his mind in turmoil as it swung shut on its own. He put his back against it and felt the cold wood leech through his shirt. He took a moment to clear his mind and calm his breathing before heading back to his room. He lightly knocked against the bedroom door. Nearly as soon as his fist fell against it the door swung open. Bucky stood, expressionless. 

“Bucky I don’t know how much of that you heard- but I don’t agree with Bruce. I don’t think you’re ready yet. Unless you have a different say, I think it’s best that you continue staying here for a while.” 

“No I think you’re right. I’d much rather stay here and finish figuring myself out instead of in a lab who-knows-where.” He crossed the room and entered the kitchen, gathering the notebooks off the table. He shook the pen in the air before turning back to the bedroom. 

“I’m going to go work on these.”

He left and quietly closed the door behind him. Steve couldn’t believe what a disaster had just been created. Not only did someone find out about their secret but it seemed like Bucky was closing back off again. 

  
  


Bucky stayed in the room all through the evening and skipped dinner. Steve restlessly paced the apartment, filling his time with needless chores and distractions. He wanted to talk longer about what had happened but he did not want to create a more uncomfortable situation than there already was. Just as Steve pulled his phone out to check it for the millionth time that day it vibrated against his palm. Relieved that there was actually something to fill his time, he opened the notification. It was a message from Sam. 

_ I am going to a party at Clint’s apartment. Lots of the guys will be there. Tag along?  _

Steve balanced his weight from foot to foot, thinking. Making up his mind he padded across the room and stopped at the bedroom door. Steve knocked and Bucky called out from inside. 

“One second.”

Steve stood silently until Bucky pulled the door open. 

“Is there something wrong?” he asked.

“No,” Steve replied. “no it's just that I was invited to a party and I think it would be better for me to go.” he swallowed. 

“To keep up the facade y’know?”

Bucky looked Steve up and down.

“Smart. I can manage here, go ahead and go. You need some fun I can tell.” 

Steve was taken aback.

“T-thank you. Are you sure there isn't anything you'll need help with?”

The corners of Bucky’s mouth upturned. 

“Go on old man- I'll be fine.” 

Steve nodded and turned away as Bucky closed the door. Steve smiled to himself.  _ Old man… maybe he was not as closed off as feared _ .

Steve grabbed his coat and slipped on a pair of sneakers and left. 


	4. Chapter 4

He had to admit he was having fun. Clint had moved the furniture in the apartment around so there was a large floor space in the middle of the room. The kitchen was well stocked with a variety of snacks and drinks. Soft music was playing from some mystery corner of the room. 

Sam tipped his beer towards Steve. 

“What have you been up to dude?”

Nat nodded throwing steve a sly look. 

“Yeah we hardly ever see you around the compound.” 

“Well I- you know, it's been-"  he stammered as he tried to make up an excuse. There to save him at the last minute Clint pushed his way into the group and slung his arms around everyone. Obviously drunk he began slurring loudly. 

“You know, what are we ever doing guys?” he grinned. “What do you think of the party? I got Thor to smuggle in some asgardian alcohol.” 

Everyone in the group suddenly shared a knowing glance. Steve spoke up, happy for the intervention. 

“It's a fine party Clint. Who else was invited? I don't see Banner or Tony, is Maria even here?”

“Nah it's just a little get together since a lot of us here have not seen each other in forever.” He began walking off to another huddle of people. Steve was relieved; he did not have to worry about lying in front of Bruce.

“Just let loose,” Clint called over his shoulder. “nothing to do tomorrow anyway!”

The rest of the party passed in a blur. Steve had been enjoying himself but something about Clint’s words were sticking with him. He had become so withdrawn that he barely noticed the party was reaching its end. Steve excused himself as he grabbed his things and made his way out the door. Halfway through his walk home the sky lightened as thick clouds rolled overhead and by the time he was unlocking his door it had begun to snow. 

Bucky was in the kitchen preparing himself some food. A flash brought Steve’s attention to the fact that Bucky was no longer wearing his glove, and was making no effort to hide his hand. Steve brushed the snow from his hair and began speaking.

“Alright I've made up my mind.”

“What?”

“Tomorrow we are going to go outside to get you some fresh air.”

“Are you thinking straight? I'm bound to be found out the second I set foot outside this level, let alone the building.”

“We can go at night if you want. That way we won’t  run into many people.” Bucky chewed at his cheek.

“I suppose that would work. Still don’t think it is a good idea.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. We’ll only go out for a little bit. I just feel like we could both do for some time out of the apartment. Bucky nodded, a sly smile at his lips.

“Always did hate it when I had to agree with you Rogers.”

Steve laughed.

The next day seemed to drag on for hours. They spent some time watching tv, making idle chat, cooking lunch. Bucky spent the majority of the time organizing pages in his journals. Steve anxiously watched the hands of the clock crawl their way through the hours. When it was finally, in his opinion, an acceptable time Steve hopped off the couch pulling Bucky up after him.

“Enough sitting around. Time to get dressed.” Steve steered Bucky to the bedroom ignoring his protests and closed the door on him. He called out in a joking manner.

“Don’t you dare come out without planning on coming with me!” 

A “Fuckoff” was heard muttered through the door. 

Steve was lacing up his boots by the time Bucky opened the door again. 

Steve looked Bucky up and down. He had put together an outfit from the clothes Steve had bought him. He had a cap and a light jacket over the rest of it. Steve noticed that he still had not replaced the glove. 

“Do you need anything warmer?”

“No. This will be fine.”

“Let’s get going then.”

Steve smiled trying to lighten the mood. He led Bucky to the back stairwell and they made their way outside. The sun hung barely above the horizon; casting shards of orange between the buildings. Paired with the snow it looked as if it was raining fire. 

Steve watched Bucky lean back against the building, not taking his eyes off the sky. His mouth was slightly parted as he looked on in wonder. Steve almost felt like he saw an old glimmer of curiosity that had not been there since the forties. He turned his gaze away and watched on as the sun stretched out its last arms before disappearing completely; pushing the alleyway into a soft blue glow. Steve looked back over to Bucky. He exhaled and made the air between them cloudy as he turned to look at Steve. 

“Thank you Steve.”

Steve let the tension in his shoulders release. Mission success.

“No problem Buck.” 

He studied Bucky. He had his arms hanging loosely at his sides but raised them high above his head with a smile on his face. He breathed deeply and exhaled. He spoke quietly but loud enough for Steve to hear. 

“I forgot what being free felt like.” he kicked up the snow under his feet before turning back to Steve. 

“I would actually appreciate going for a walk. Now that I’m out here.”

“Yeah,” Steve jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “If we go this direction we probably won't cross anyone.”

“Works for me.” he said, shrugging his shoulders. 

Bucky started walking first and Steve fell into step beside him. They passed an hour like this, exploring the various streets that branched off from Steve’s building. They made small talk here and there, mostly about the snowfall. When they were heading back Steve took the lead and turned his back fishing keys from his pocket. Something hit him square in the back,  _ hard _ . He turned and was met with a smack of wet snow in his face. Bucky stood there with a devilish grin on his face. He stooped down and made another snowball. 

“Oh you’re on!” Steve yelled, scrambling to make his own. 

They fired one snowball after the other at each other until they were thoroughly soaked to the bone.   
“Not too bad for a one hundred year old man.” Steve chided, and Bucky met him with a “Right back atcha.” They returned to the apartment and changed into warmer clothes not sharing many words.  Exhausted, they headed to bed early. 


	5. Chapter 5

Steve stirred out of sleep, took a deep breath and rolled over on the couch. He sighed as he stared out into the dark; something must have woken him up. 

He heard a scream.

Immediately he sat up, listening for the source. There were broken sobs coming from his bedroom. Steve ran over and nearly tore the door off its hinges trying to get it open fast enough. He saw Bucky sitting in the bed, both hands clutching at the sides of his head. He was murmuring something under his breath and was gazing straight through Steve as if he didn’t exist. He rushed over to Bucky’s side and tried to talk to him but the words weren’t reaching. Steve grabbed Bucky’s shoulders and shook him, hard. Bucky continued to yell, tears smudging on his face. Panicking, Steve kept shaking; begging for Bucky to wake up and snap out of it. 

Eventually he stopped yelling. His eyes seemed to regain their focus and eventually flitted up to Steve. His hands dropped from the side of his head. His voice came out in a coarse whisper. 

“Steve i’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Shhh, listen Bucky it’s ok. It’s over now. You were dreaming, you were dreaming.” 

Bucky sat staring at the the wall. Steve wasn’t sure if he should approach Bucky or not, he didn’t want to scare him anymore than what he was going through at the moment. However the urge to make physical contact burned in his chest. He made to leave the room; get some water for the both of them. 

Bucky grasped Steve’s hand. Steve turned around, surprised at the direct contact Bucky made. 

“Please, will you stay in here tonight?”

“Of course. No question.”

 

Steve woke early. He drug himself into the kitchen and put water out to boil. The tile felt cold and harsh against his bare feet now. The pot whistled and he poured the water into mugs, dipping a tea bag into each. Looking out the window he saw it was still dark and the microwave clock read 3:48.

He returned to the room, the mugs he held warming his hands. He found Bucky to still be asleep. He watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the slight turn in his brows. Carefully he set one mug on the bedside table. Steve stood there by the side of the bed until the sky began turning light. Satisfied to see that Bucky really was sleeping he returned to the living room. He didn't want to think about the night before but the thoughts kept pushing their way into his mind. Bucky had been so terrified. Never had Steve seen him in such a state, not even back during the war. He had always been good at hiding his fear. He wondered how often the nightmares happened, thinking back into the past where he would find the bed undisturbed and the windows opened. He sat on the edge of the couch idly stirring his tea bag. It wasn’t long after that he heard movement coming from his bedroom. He sat silent, burying his impulse to return to the room in order to give Bucky a quiet moment to himself. After a few minutes he stood up and walked back over before hesitating at the doorway. He decided to knock lightly at the frame. 

“May I come in?”

A moment passed. Then another. Just as Steve thought about heading back, the doorknob turned. Bucky let natural force finish pulling the door open as he sat back on the edge of his bed, face turned to the floor. Steve came in and sat next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Bucky absentmindedly dug a toe into the rug

“Yes.” He took a breath and pointed at the frame hanging across from  the bed. 

“I wrote that nearly two years ago. Look how far I have come, huh?” he forced out a dry chuckle. 

“The only problem is I'm not getting any better,” he tapped at his head. “at least not entirely in here.” 

Steve looked at him, worried.

“How do you mean?”

“Obviously I am improving at a crazy rate. But the problem is that every new piece from my old life that I add to the puzzle, there is another one shaped just like it from hydra. Steve I am scared of myself. I still can’t tell when I could lose myself. Yes I have been doing great but it’s the calm before the storm you know?”

Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand.

“Have you been keeping this bottled inside this whole time? I can’t believe I never thought to notice.”

“No don’t bl-”

“No. Really. I should have seen. I was so blinded by happiness that you had dropped back into my lap that I never thought too long about anything. Always moving from one thing to the next- I just wanted to be there for you. Obviously I didn’t do that correctly.” 

Bucky could see where Steve was headed and tried to interject but Steve cut him off.

“You have no idea how proud I am of the progress that you have made so far. It’s barely been more than a few weeks and look at what you have accomplished! If someone had told me two years ago that I would nearly have you back I would never have believed them. With what you have been through, managing to simply seek me out would have been a miracle. You aren’t giving yourself enough credit.”

Bucky sat back stunned. This was not what he had anticipated. 

“You actually think that?”

“Of course I do.”

“You punk!” Bucky called out, playfully shoving Steve in the shoulder. 

“Here I was, worried to say or do much of anything around you! I could never read if you could forgive the soldier or not. I spent all that time locked away writing because I was too embarrassed to face you.”

Steve couldn’t keep his mouth from dropping open.

“You mean to tell me that this whole time I have been trying to approach you slowly was pointless? I hate you!” 

Steve began to laugh and Bucky couldn’t help but follow. Recovering from their fit Steve drug a hand through his hair. Before speaking again he studied Bucky for a moment. His demeanor hadn’t changed but something about him seemed more open, lighter. 

“Really though, I appreciate the honesty. You have no idea how hard it was for me to try and take things slow. I wanted to jump right in like we had lost no time.”

“God me too Steve. I was so afraid you had changed. When I learned about everything you had been doing since you were woken up it made me worry you had moved on. Made yourself be a new person.”

“I felt the same way about myself. There was always something keeping me busy, I never got the chance to figure myself out in this new world for a long time. I am just glad that you’re back here with me.”

“Me too Steve.”

Steve paused as an idea nagged at the back of his head. He began to speak hesitantly, turning the conversation back to the night’s events. 

“There is someone I work with who… knows you are here. A while back he extended me an opportunity to get you some medical help. If you are willing, I think that we should take him up on his offer.”

Bucky straightened his back and turned his gaze back to the carpet. They sat like that for a while and Steve began to think he made a mistake bringing it up. Finally Bucky spoke, taking a deep breath. 

“I have been wondering a lot about that recently. The nightmares- I can handle them. But it makes me worried what other damage I have been overlooking. And it scares me to admit but it definitely feels like the soldier is still lurking in the shadows. I think- I think you’re right. I want to meet this person.”

Steve watched Bucky’s eyes for a moment. The were hard and unwavering; no trace of uncertainty. 

“I’ll give him a call.”

______

Bucky had put on a plain t-shirt and jeans and had pulled his hair into a bun. He sat on the couch tapping his thumb nervously against his thigh, eyes on the clock. Steve was in the kitchen, phone in hand but staring at the door. He didn’t know if he was waiting for a text or a knock first. They had both spent the morning tidying up the apartment, putting away the makeshift bed on the couch, stacking up notebooks on the tables, and dishes were put in the sink. Sunlight filtered through the window illuminating the room. A knock at the door made them both jump. Steve hopped up and looked through the peephole. He nervously ran through their saying and let Bruce in the door. He had a briefcase in one hand and a coat in the other. Desperate for something to do, Steve offered to take the coat, putting it on his bed. He came back out of the bedroom and heard Bruce and Bucky exchanging introductions. 

Bruce stood behind the couch, a not so subtle way of keeping his distance. Steve tried to change the mood of the room. 

“Bruce, why don’t you take the chair over there. I can find something else to do unless you need me?”

Bruce nodded.

“Yeah, okay.” He moved over to the chair, never taking his eyes off Bucky. He laid the briefcase down on the coffee table between them and took his seat. Bucky sat back down on the couch. 

“Actually you might want to stay, just for extra input and the like.”

Steve nodded and took the empty space on the couch. Bruce turned back to Bucky. 

“You seem to be acclimating quite well to this environment. So tell me what your major concern at the moment is.”

Bucky began explaining how Steve had been helping him recover memories and how he had since taken to journaling them. Then he voiced his concern about the lingering force. Banner leaned back in his chair. 

“All things considered you are making a remarkable recovery. However I think we need to take you to a lab and run a few things before I proceed in finding you help. Are you okay with this?”

Bucky turned and looked at Steve, almost as a subconscious form of asking for permission. Steve only stared back hoping that Bucky would make only the choice he felt was right. Bucky looked back over at Bruce and then nodded. 

“I think that would be best. Is there anything I need to do to be ready or should I just show up?”

“It would be my preference to have you come for a twelve hour observance period and then proceed to testing.” Bruce and Bucky fired off discussing what days would work. They settled on the upcoming friday.  _ Three days from now _ Steve thought. Bruce turned back to Steve. 

“Steve can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Alone?”

Steve felt a jolt of anxiety run through his body but he forced himself to smile. 

“Yeah come in here.” 

Steve led Bruce back into his bedroom and closed the door. Bruce spoke in a low hushed tone.

“Look i’ll make this short Steve. I’m not feeling confident here. From what he is explaining it sounds like he may be the most recovered he will ever get. Not to mention taking him into the lab means telling Tony, which means telling who knows how many people. Any way we play this game it isn’t going to have a good outcome for him.”

Steve’s heart fell and it showed on his face.

“Look I believe you now and agree he doesn’t seem dangerous. But I mean, how can we know what he is capable of? We still aren’t sure how this was done to him. There is no way to really know what could set him off. And look at what he had done”

“There has to be a way Bruce. There has to be.”

“Listen. I’m gonna call in the best people I have on my team. We can try to find something. I just want you to know I am not going into this thing optimistically.”

Steve paced between the door and the bed. He rubbed at his eyes trying to think of a solution. 

“Just... do what you can. And please keep it under wraps. You and I both know we can’t handle a scandal right now.”

Bruce nodded sympathetically. 

“I will.”

Steve opened the door and returned to the living room with Bruce trailing behind. He looked back at Bucky who was still waiting on the couch. 

“That’s that.” Steve said with his hands on his hips. “I guess we wait for friday.”

Bucky nodded and stood up, crossing the room over to Bruce. He held out a hand and Bruce shook it. 

“I just want to thank you Dr. Banner. It isn’t easy to find people to trust these days, especially ones who are willing to lend a helping hand.”

“I am happy to be of help.”

Bruce took one last look at Bucky and nodded to himself as if he was solidifying the plan in his head. He turned and picked up the briefcase and retrieved his coat and left, clicking the door closed behind him. 

 

It had been an hour since Bruce had left and Bucky was full of questions. Who was he? What does he do? Who is Tony? What will be done? How will it be done? If there was a second of open air Bucky was filling it with questions. Steve tried to fill him in to the best of his knowledge. When he began to explain Banner’s relationship to Tony, Bucky chimed in.

“This must mean no more hiding, huh?”

Steve looked Bucky over. His jaw was set but there was concern in his eyes. The full realization of what this meant had not even hit Steve until this moment. 

“Yes. It does.”


	6. Chapter 6

Friday morning came. Steve had rented a car to drive themselves over to the compound. He stood by the driver’s side as Bucky threw a small bag of clothes and toiletries into the back seat, closing the door with a soft thud. He looked over at Steve and nodded, passing a silent word between them. They spent the car ride in silence letting the trees melt away into a blur outside the windows. Bucky peered around curiously as Steve pulled into the compound and up to the door, not bothering to park the car properly. He took Bucky’s hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

They walked in together and Steve breathed a sigh of relief. There wasn’t a crowd of curious teammates at the door. The hallways were empty. Steve would point and give directions as they walked but it was half hearted and unneeded. Steve was nervous on Bucky’s behalf and Bucky was preoccupied with taking in his new surroundings. They arrived quickly to the doors of the laboratory. Bruce had been waiting there for them and let them inside, swiping his card against the lock on the wall. The three of them entered the room and Bucky gave a whistle. He was familiar with brute modern technology but the various machinery around him peaked his interest. Bruce left them to grab Tony out of a back room. Steve turned to Bucky.

“I will stay mostly out of the way. They know what they’re doing and I trust them both with my life. Go along with what they say.”

“Alright.”

Bruce returned Tony. 

“Bucky this is Tony, and Tony this is… well you know.”

Tony passed a scrutinizing stare over Bucky before launching into his normal overbearing way of talking.

“Hey there ghosty, heard a lot about you recently. Living myth and all.”

Bucky left a lingering look at Tony before giving a small shake to his head and sitting on the edge of the examining table. Steve went to the opposite site of the room and stood watching, his hands in his pockets. Tony gave no sign of noticing the shake and walked over just as several assistants swooped in and beckoned for Bucky to take his coat and shirt off. They began attaching various devices over his body. There were sharp looks and lingering hands at Bucky’s left arm. He tried his best to ignore it.

“What are these for?” he asked. Hydra had never been one for ‘health consciousness’ of their assets. 

“These things,” Tony waved his hand at Bucky’s body “will measure different biological signs. Things like your heartbeat and body temperature for example. Tomorrow we are going to put a net of probes to your head and measure your brain activity.” He pointed over to Bruce.

“Bruce is going to monitor the data. We will proceed from there.”

He took a deep breath. He wasn’t nervous but he did not like being in unfamiliar spaces. He wanted to be in and out as fast as possible. 

“So what am I to do tonight? I mean, for the observation and all.”

Banner spoke up.

“Tonight we want you to just go about your business. Like you would any other night away from here. We made sure no one is around so you have the whole compound to yourselves.”

He passed a glance over to where Steve was standing and pointed.

“Steve can show you around and keep you company if you’d like.”

Bucky nodded. He liked the idea of being left alone to figure the building out. When the assistants finished their job they scattered, some returning to monitors in the room and other leaving. Tony strode over and finished adjusting the devices to his liking. He spoke, pointing to the left arm that was now completely exposed.

“I would love to tinker under that hood, but that is a project for another day.” He laid his hand heavily on Bucky’s other shoulder and patted it before swiftly returning the hand to his pocket. 

“‘Kay big shot. We’re done here. Go have fun exploring.” he waved at the door before returning to Bruce’s side. They began exchanging words under their breath. Bucky began to pull back on his clothes as Steve walked over.

“Anywhere particular you want to check out first?”

“What kind of spar room is there?”

 

Steve took Bucky around the various levels of the building. At each room they stopped, Bucky exploring the different features they all had for their uses. They stopped in the communal kitchen to make a fast dinner of sandwiches when Bucky piped up with another question. 

“That man, Bruce, he said they had cleared this place out. How many people typically stay here, and where do they stay?”

Steve smacked his forehead. 

“I was so busy trying to remember which hallway led where I completely forgot to mention it! There is a third floor only accessible for card holders. It’s where the rest of the avengers stay and other in and out helpers. Typically this place is full of people but there has been such a quiet streak in crime right now that I am not surprised it was easy to empty the place out for the weekend.”

“We have been staying at your apartment though. Why do you not just live here?”

“You know I prefer my solitude when I can get it. Besides, I hate feeling like a burden. I wanted to be responsible for pulling my weight so I got my own place.”

Steve studied Bucky from the corner of his eyes. He sat picking at his bread crust. 

“I can always see if there is a room to squeeze you into, if you prefer it here when I show you the rooms.”

“No, no. Like you said. I like the solitude better. Besides, the apartment is homier than here. I’ve barely seen the place and it is giving me an uneasy feeling. Too much concrete and glass.”

They finished eating and headed to an elevator near the back of the level. Steve pulled an identification card out of his wallet and flashed it against the panel in the wall. The elevator dinged and slid open. They rode it to an upper level and got off. The doors opened into a large lobby area which branched off into multiple different hallways. Steve pointed down one. 

“My room is over in this one, come on.”

Bucky peered around as they walked, surprised at just how many rooms there were. 

“How many of you are there? This place is bigger than it looks from outside.”

“Currently just a handful. Tony built this place in excess, like most of the things he does. He just wants to be prepared I guess. But for what who knows… here it is.”

Steve halted and turned to the door in front of them, flashing the card again. The doorknob clicked and he pulled it open. He gestured and let Bucky walk in before him. 

“Home sweet home.” he said sarcastically. In truth Steve had barely been inside the room and had mostly forgotten its layout. A large spacious window opened up to the left, spilling natural daylight into an empty living area. A small kitchen was on the closest wall. On the back wall were doors which led to other rooms and closets. Bucky crossed the empty space and went over to the window, taking in the treeline beyond. Steve spoke.

“We can stay in here tonight. I don't furnish this place but there are still mattresses in the bedrooms.”

“Okay.” Bucky exhaled in response. He crossed the room to where there was a tv embedded in the wall. He switched it on and turned to Steve. 

“Since there isn’t much else to do, might waste a few hours right?” He faced the tv again and began switching through channels. Steve watched him for a moment while an idea that had been forming in his mind all afternoon resurfaced. 

“Actually Buck I wanted to bring something up. If you feel like talking now.”

Bucky had taken a seat on the floor but turned and looked up to where Steve was standing.

“Yeah, shoot.”

“Normally I would have waited to bring this up. I don’t want to feel like I am pushing you any one direction too soon but I figured now is the opportunity that makes the most sense.”

Bucky cracked a smile.

“Stop dragging your feet Steve, get on with it.”

Steve smiled back but he felt like he was forcing it.

“I think you should consider joining the team. Maybe not right away, but in time.”

Bucky looked at him. Looked and looked and looked at him. Steve felt like he made a mistake. Finally Bucky spoke.

“Can I think it over? I need time to see how I feel about this.”

“Of course,” Steve rushed; “And don’t feel like you have to say yes. I just felt like bringing it up as an option.”

The rest of the night passed easily as they tried to fill space talking about their pasts and presents. They headed to bed long after it had turned dark outside. Steve spent the next day in a ball of knots. Bucky had been taken to a private room so Steve passed the hours pacing up and down the hallway. They had not talked any longer about the proposition since the first time the day before. Steve mentally kicked himself. It had seemed like a nice idea but now that he had said it outloud it seemed dumb. 

Bucky came out of the room alone several hours later, brows furrowed. Steve felt like he could see clouds of thought behind his eyes.

“How did it go?”

“I’m not really sure. They didn’t say much actually. Just kinda grunted back and forth at each other. They told me they needed some more time to pick apart what they recorded so they said to go home for now. They’d call when they need me back.”

Steve hummed in response.

They spent the car ride back in silence. Steve could feel the tension in the air and knew he was at fault for it. He struggled to come up with something to lighten the mood and so he kept his silence. As they got closer to the apartment Bucky made an passive comment. 

“Looks like the snow is beginning to melt. Shame, I wanted round two of our snowball fight.” he chuckled softly. Steve smiled at Bucky and felt the tension disperse. He dropped Bucky off and left to return the car, taking a bus back home. Normally he enjoyed the time to think but the empty travel time seemed to drag on. He was grateful when he finally made it home. He  got out his keys and opened the door, ready to get inside and change into something more comfortable. The room lights were on but Bucky was nowhere to be seen. Steve assumed he was back in the bedroom chronicling the past two days. Steve changed and made himself a mug of tea and sank into the couch. It was only then that he noticed he was sitting on just the couch. He sighed to himself before getting up to find the bedding supplies he had hidden the day before. He had his back turned and was digging through the closet when he heard a soft tapping on the pull out door. Steve stood up and turned around. Bucky stood there arms crossed, similarly dressed in lounging clothes but he looked wide awake. 

“Can we talk?”

“Always.”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said. And I feel like.. I’m still kicking for a reason. I want to at least try and make up for all the wrong I’ve done. I’ll try and do what you do. Who knows if they’ll let me, but I might as well try.”

Steve watched Bucky with soft eyes.

“Hey, don’t blame yourself for that. We already talked about how it is not your fault. But I am really glad to hear the offer. I think you would really enjoy getting to know the people I work with. I’ll figure out some way to ask them sometime this week. In the meantime,” he said as he pulled the closet door closed behind him “you need to learn who’s who.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky answered, before pointing at the sheets in Steve’s arms. 

“And stop sleeping on the couch! God Steve, you’re making me depressed. We can switch or get you a floor mattress but geez, do  _ something _ different.”

Steve just laughed.

 

He stopped by the store that evening  and picked up an inflatable mattress to set up in the floor of his room. Bucky kept them both from sleeping that night, having too much fun poking at the fact Steve was on the floor.

“You made this happen!” Steve jokingly yelled.  

The next morning he woke early. He sent out a large group text to everyone he knew explaining the situation. Steve left the proposal open ended; it was more of a suggestion than a question of permission. He then turned the phone off and sat back at the kitchen table. He passed a whole hour nervously sitting there in the dark watching the sun rise. Only after Bucky had risen and asked what was up did Steve power his phone back on and steeled himself to go through the chaos that was now his inbox. He scrolled through the conversations, stopping at the more interesting points. 

“He would be a valuable asset to the team.” Natasha had sent. 

“But look at what he’s done!” Someone else argued.

“The past can be buried. You all should know by now.” Nat added. 

“She has a point.” Vision declared.

“Give him a chance.” said Sam.

“You actually think this is a good idea?” sent Rhodey.

Steve kept scrolling until he reached the bottom. The last few messages had been sent several minutes ago, a decision having been made within the group.


	7. Epilogue

Various switches clicked as they were flipped and buttons blinked on and off silently on the console as they were controlled by nameless hands. Out the window of the quinjet Steve could see navy clouds passing underneath. He turned his attention back to the half table before him. A map glowed softly, projecting out onto the surface. They were preparing to raid a hydra base, its location circled in the map. Tony was speaking.

“If we cross in from this direction we might be able to make it all the way to here,” he gestured at a spot on the map; “before all hell breaks loose.”

Sam nodded.

“Tony, you and I can come in from there but I think we should send Wanda over here.”

Bucky began to add his two sense but Steve had stopped listening. He looked down at Bucky’s lips. He had wanted nothing more than to close the space between the two of them since Bucky had first arrived, but he still wasn’t sure that Bucky had remembered  _ that _ yet. He sure as hell had never mentioned it all this time. Bucky snapped his fingers in Steve’s face.

“Are you paying attention? I want your opinion on whether or not we need another man for lookout.”

Steve swallowed trying to remember what it was that Bucky had been saying.

“I-”

But Steve never got to finish his sentence. Bucky had closed the space. The rest of the team smiled to themselves and turned away. The kiss was incredibly slow at first as they worked their way back into muscle memory. But soon the longing of all their years apart tugged at their hearts and moved their mouths. They broke apart, flush and breathless. Steve thought to himself that maybe things really would end up alright. 


End file.
